American Kids are Fucking Doomed

A recent survey of American middle school children asked the kids to pick the profession they would most prefer. The choices were:

• President of Harvard or Yale
• CEO of a big company like General Motors
• U.S. Senator
• Navy SEAL
• Assistant to a celebrity. (Not a celebrity, but an assistant)

"Assistant to a celebrity" was picked by 43 percent of the girls, more than the other professions. This is why the terrorists hate us. We're raising a nation of attention whores (oh, and regular whores too). Don't kids want to be astronauts or firemen or president anymore?

The future is fucking bleak, my friends. For every kid in Peoria who wants to be Britney Spears when she grows up, there are a thousand in New Dehli that are just fucking hoping and praying for a CHANCE to get into a good technical school.

Kids in Poughkeepsie are dreaming of being in People while kids in Bangladesh are dreaming of OWNING A FUCKING BOOK!

Praise science that I will be off the grid before this generation of American quasi-tards is old enough to govern. At least a plurality of boys in the survey picked "Navy Seal." Maybe they will rise up and kill all of the other kids who picked "assistant to a celebrity."

Every generation thinks "this country is going to hell in a handbasket." My grandparents said it about the rock n' roll generation. My parents said it about the rap generation. I'm saying it about a bunch of coked up seventeen year-old anorexics who couldn't find Washington DC on a map if you tattooed it on the small of Paris Hilton's back.

Fuck you, America's youth!