Current Events Roundup

Saddam Hussein is set to hang sometime this weekend. He's reportedly pretty psyched up about meeting "his death at the hands of his enemies and be a martyr." Saddam has always been a "glass half full" kind of guy. I would love for this to become an annual tradition where we hang a dictator at midnight on new years eve. Dick Clark's corpse could host and people could wear little "Hang Loose in '07" hats or something. If I had any balls, I'd wear this shirt:



Mike Tyson took some time out of his busy raping schedule to pick up a cocaine habit. That's probably a pretty good idea since cocaine has such a calming effect on sociopathic punch machine. His kids are named: Gena, D'Amato, Mikey, Rayna, Amir, Miguel, and Exodus.

Ethiopia invaded Somalia. I'm not really sure how one starving nation invades another, but early reports indicate that Ethiopia was after the large supplies of Skittles and beef jerky held in Mogadishu.

Some Dude and his brother in law decided to hand out some fiery justice to some bees that took over a swingset. They used gasoline it was awesome. Take that, you eight-legged hippies!


I lost $150 in fantasy football this year because I am a goddamned retard.