Anderson Cooper is a Fucking Dick

While I'm drinking delicious Scotch and watching the story about Saddam Hussein being strung up, Andy Cooper comes up with this gem:

"We are being told that there are photographs and videos of the execution. You can be assured that we will be very sensitive to our viewers and not air any images that would be inappropriate."

Thanks Andy. We, the sensitive viewing public, appreciate it. Hey, what's that over your shoulder while you are so graciously protecting our delicate sensibilities?


Oh, just some MURDERED CHILDREN LAYING DEAD IN THE FUCKING STREET. Thanks Anderson. I thought you were going to show us something really disturbing. Thankfully it was only the BLOATED CORPSES OF KIDS WHO WERE GASSED TO DEATH WITH CHEMICAL WEAPONS. You fucking twatwaffle.

P.S. Thank you Internet for this little gem:
Yeah it's weird to me too. Maybe it's because I grew up seeing him as the bad guy. It's like Cobra Commander just died or something.

Saddam Hussein Tribute

Good night, funnyman.

Current Events Roundup

Saddam Hussein is set to hang sometime this weekend. He's reportedly pretty psyched up about meeting "his death at the hands of his enemies and be a martyr." Saddam has always been a "glass half full" kind of guy. I would love for this to become an annual tradition where we hang a dictator at midnight on new years eve. Dick Clark's corpse could host and people could wear little "Hang Loose in '07" hats or something. If I had any balls, I'd wear this shirt:



Mike Tyson took some time out of his busy raping schedule to pick up a cocaine habit. That's probably a pretty good idea since cocaine has such a calming effect on sociopathic punch machine. His kids are named: Gena, D'Amato, Mikey, Rayna, Amir, Miguel, and Exodus.

Ethiopia invaded Somalia. I'm not really sure how one starving nation invades another, but early reports indicate that Ethiopia was after the large supplies of Skittles and beef jerky held in Mogadishu.

Some Dude and his brother in law decided to hand out some fiery justice to some bees that took over a swingset. They used gasoline it was awesome. Take that, you eight-legged hippies!


I lost $150 in fantasy football this year because I am a goddamned retard.

These vests are tight!

I'm not sure if they had the best tailors in the world or the worst tailors in the world. Either way, I'd sell my toes to be listen to these two guys have a conversation.

Thanks for the memories, now I'm going to piss on your grave

We're getting into the busy season for year-end retrospectives. Every news show and new years rockin' eve show will have a "death reel" where they remember all the people that died in the previous year. It's usually a musical montage with swelling strings and black & white photos and shit.

They pretty much cast everyone in a good light. Let's take some time to remember those people who were wife-beaters, and murderers:

James Brown - Wife Beater

The Godfather of Soul didn't take no sass mouth from his womens. In addition to leading police on multi-state car chases, JB was also arrested numerous times for assaulting his wife/wives.

Wilson Pickett - Wife Beater
















"Gonna wait til the midnight hour, that's when my love comes a-tumblin' down...ON YOUR FACE, BITCH!" Like all great entertainers, Wilson kept his pimp hand strong. He loved booze, drugs, guns, and driving around on mayors' lawns while drunk. A class act.


Kirby Puckett - Sexual Predator










Kirby served as an inspiration to overweight blind washed-up baseball players who had a proclivity for urinating in public and for forcible relations in bathrooms. For some reason this guy was always (and continues to be) a media darling. I hope he is being sodomized by Hitler in hell right now.


Trevor Berbick - Rapist














Probably most famous for beating Muhammad Ali and getting his ass beat by Mike Tyson. Ol Trev's boxing wasn't limited to the ring, though. Between preaching and dabbling in drugs, Trevor raped his kids' babysitter. Apparently that's illegal. He was murdered in Jamaica with a chainsaw. They don't fuck around in Jamaica.


Shamil Basayev - Murderer














Architect of the Beslan school siege. I like this picture because it says "hey ladies, I want to get sexy with you (and murder your children)." If Kirby Puckett is getting sodomized by Hitler in hell, I can only imagine what is happening to this dude. Sisyphus and Kirby are looking at this guy thinking "wow, that's pretty harsh." I'm guessing his fate has something to do with gargling boiling bird shit while having his skin eaten by robot spiders or something.



Abu Musab al-Zarqawi - Murderer

















Jordanian Terrorist and leader of al Qaeda in Iraq. Credited with bringing the beanie hat back into fashion. Bit off way way more than he could chew with the whole "Death to America" thing. Tried to be pals with Osama and company. Wanted to be a martyr. Fished his wish.